Bonne soirée
"HUH?!" has a makeover I think it's possible I'm growing up, I'll stop typing while you call the press.............
Good?
Okay so I have had NO idea what to blog about lately, but recently my young life and what damn direction I'm going to take it in is becoming a constant plague on my fragile mind. So instead of drowning my sorrows in bottles of champagne and watching Tiffany's on a loop, I'm going to dump all of my insecurities on you World Wide Web YAY!!!!
Onward we go then, as a young woman in her late teens I feel a suffocating amount of pressure to try and figure out in a span of four year what the hell I'm going to do with the next FIFTY YEARS OF MY LIFE!! I'm starting to look like poor Norma Desmond, slowly slipping into madness for a completely different reason.
"I'm ready for my close up Mr. Demille"
In all seriousness though, I've dreamt for years of being a Screenwriter/Director, being able to conceptualize a story and bring it to life, following the likes of Billy Wilder, Woody Allen, Quentin Tarantino, Sofia Coppola.. and really the list goes on and on. Men and women with extraordinary vision that bring to life stories that came from imagination. I could gush about Coppola alone for hours. The way her art films parallel her own Hollywood royal life. She admits freely that quite a lot is based on the people that surround her, even if the charicature isn't exactly flattering (she admits that the neglectful husband John in Lost in Translation is a mean-spirited portrayal of ex-husband Spike Jonze) but that's slightly off topic. What I'm trying to get at is when you're a little kid everyone is constantly reaffirming that you can be anything you want to be, but when you get older it becomes apparent that following through with your dreams isn't as easy as wishing, hoping, and praying.
Do you know how many pages the average movie script is? 120. Mhmm, yeah. Which is hunky dory, so you write a full length feature, but what if it isn't any good? No one likes it... and you have to do it all over again, new concept, new characters. See what I mean? I'm slowly but surely losing it. Where's the Dom Pérignon? What have I gotten myself into? A life set up for failure. Maybe I should just do ass my mother says and become a librarian. OR OR I can perservere. Believe in my dream and, well, what I guess what all this rambling was getting towards was:
اتبع قلبك
Follow Your Heart
What I'm slowly beginning to realize is that all the Harvard professors and parental barbing in the world can't teach me passion. That most people feel that growing up is forgetting everything we really want and settling for what others feel we should want. I think that dreams keep the creative soul alive. In another way if your parents told you that you couldn't be with the one you love because they think there's someone out there that you don't like as much but probably offers more financial security, I highly doubt you'd listen.
I sure as fuck wouldn't.
I'm afraid to become an adult without dreams
This is so profound, and the feeling you are going through at this point in your life is one I went through not all that long ago. One in seven Uni students change their major half way through.
ReplyDeleteThe truth?
No one knows the the hell they want to do. They just do something to pass the time and pay the bills.
So keep your options open, as cliche as that sounds. And yet another cliche, do what you love and love what you do. And that sounds like film is what you love, my dear.
xx
~t.
PS deleted first comment since there was a major type-o and then blogspot tattled on me for deleting by showing you that I did. Pffft.